


Like It Was Supposed To Be

by Bappsack



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst, Tragic Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-06 20:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4236297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bappsack/pseuds/Bappsack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starts after 03/06. Cosima and Delphine try to figure out their relationship after the breakup. I rewrote the original "Cophine" scenes from season 3 and made some adjustments, I also slightly changed the plot regarding the whole Castor/Leda/Neolution thing because I wanted the focus to be on Cosima and Delphine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Her vision started to get blurry as she tried for the tenth time to read the beginning sentence of an online article on autoimmune diseases. I miss you. Delphine's voice echoed in her head ever since she had gotten home from the lab. No matter what she tried to distract herself with, her mind replayed the incident over and over. It felt like she was never gone, like she never abandoned her in the hallway of the loft.  
Her phone buzzed, Cosima shrugged and peeked at the display. Shay, again. She hesitated but decided to pick up the call, since she had been ignoring them for the whole day.  
"Hey," Cosima tried to sound excited.  
"Why haven’t you been returning my calls?"  
"I got home from work late and… something came up. I can't really explain it. It’s just, I’ve got a lot to do at the moment.“ She didn’t even believe herself.  
"You're always busy but somehow you've still managed to come over or at least you've answered my calls.“  
"Yeah, no. I know. Listen, I just can’t make it today. I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?“  
"Okay“, Cosima could hear the disappointment in Shay's voice.  
"Okay, bye.“ She put down her phone and closed the laptop.

The next morning she got woken up by her phone. A text, from Shay.  
'You could have just told me.‘ Just that one sentence.  
She knew.  
But how? It was impossible. Did Delphine really have the nerve to, first of all spy on her private life, and second of all, even though she probably did spy on her, but did she really dare to go to Shay’s to confront her about the situation?  
It only took her five minutes to get ready. She skipped breakfast and quickly applied her make-up in front of the stained bathroom mirror. On her way to DYAD anger built up inside her. And by the time she burst through the entrance door she was furious. She hit the elevator button unnecessarily hard and decided to check the lab first but there was only Scott.  
"Have you seen Delphine?“, she snapped.  
"Not yet but I guess she’s in her office“, he replied.  
She turned on her heels and was out of earshot before Scott said, "Good morning to you too.“  
She almost ran to the office and as she turned around the corner she saw Delphine enter though the glass door, still wearing her coat. She must have just gotten here.  
Cosima rushed to the door and pushed it open with a loud BANG. Delphine turned around in surprise and as she realized who was standing in her door frame her eyes widened.  
"Tell me you didn’t!“, Cosima yelled.  
"Tell you I didn’t do what?“, Delphine tried to look puzzled but she was pretty sure what Cosima was alluding to.  
"Oh, come on. Don’t play innocent.“  
"I am afraid, I don’t know what you’re talking about. And as far as I know employees are not authorized to come to this office, unless they are asked to“, the calmness in her voice fueled Cosima's anger. "Are you kidding me? Is this how things are now? Do you enjoy this? Do you enjoy spying on me and my… girlfriend.“ Cosima had never called Shay her girlfriend before but right now it seemed like the right thing to do. Delphine gave her a condescending grin.  
"So she is really your girlfriend? And not just a… how do you say it, distraction?“  
Cosima couldn’t believe her ears. For a second she was lost for words. She just looked in the eyes of the woman she thought she loved and felt empty.  
"I feel like I don’t know you anymore. You weren’t like this before they put you in charge of everything. Does it feel good?“, she said fighting her tears.  
Now that her cover was blown, Delphine decided to stick to the truth. "I asked you if there was anything you wanted to tell me. I asked you twice and I asked you nicely! And you lied to me!“  
"There was nothing, Shay is none of you business!“  
"No, she is my business because she is in contact with you. Cosima, your condition has just improved. Do you really think I, I mean, DYAD would let you walk around unmonitored?“  
"So you’re saying going to Shay’s and confronting her about me is included in your job as my monitor?“  
"Yes.“  
"Oh come on! I kind of expected that you were still monitoring me, I’m not stupid. But involving her in all of this, that’s just one step too far, man. She's got nothing to do with any of this and I had planned to keep it that way! Besides, there's no point, it’s not like I’m not gonna see her anymore.“  
Cosima knew that last sentence had made the impact she intended because Delphine’s mouth twitched just a little and she looked down. Both women went quiet. Delphine turned around, fighting the tears that had begun to swell up in her eyes. She wasn't used to keeping her facade up when Cosima was around because she used to be the only person where she could let her guard down. She hated not being in control of her emotions.  
"Delphine?“ Cosima walked towards her, still facing Delphine’s back. "I’m sorry, I…I…I didn’t mean that.“  
"No… it’s okay. I don’t know what I was expecting…“, her voice broke and she crossed her arms.  
Cosima didn’t know what to do. Her hand hovered over Delphine's shoulder for a second but she refrained from touching her, it didn’t feel right. Instead she stood beside her and looked out of the huge window onto the city.  
"Are you mad at me, for going to Shay’s?," Delphine composed herself.  
"Why else would I be here, yelling at you? Of course I'm mad.“  
"I’m sorry“, it was almost whisper.  
"No you’re not. Anyway, what did you say to her?“ Cosima couldn’t hide a slight grin.  
"Cosima please, is that really important now?“  
"Oh yes, very much so“, she was smiling now.  
Delphine looked at her and couldn’t help but smile back.  
"So. Tell me. What did you say to her?“, Cosima insisted.  
"Oh well…I just told her to be careful“.  
"Careful about what?“  
"About you“, Delphine looked away again.  
"That’s all?“, Cosima asked.  
"Oh, would you please stop interrogating me, I know I crossed a line. I make mistakes, I am human and yes, maybe I got a little ahead of myself.“  
Now Cosima smiled her big toothy smile with her tongue poking out between her teeth. "Gotcha“, she whispered and turned away from the window. She didn’t know what else to say, after all Delphine had a point. If the situation were reversed Cosima would probably be jealous as well.  
"I’ll be in the lab with Scott if there’s anything“, she said and walked towards the door. Delphine was still facing the window.  
"Cosima?“  
"Yes?“  
" Is it true?"  
"Is what true?"  
"Do you still find my hair everywhere in your clothes?“  
"Yes… everywhere“, Cosima replied closing the office door behind her. 

Her answer echoed in Delphine’s ears. She was torn between calling Cosima to come back and staying in her office to calm down. She had broken up with her, who was she to judge her for finding comfort with another woman? But still, it wasn’t just someone, it was Cosima. Her Cosima. Well, not anymore but somehow she couldn’t quite grasp the thought of not being able to be close to her. When she had stood beside her just seconds ago she had fought the urge to touch her the entire time.  
"Cosima?“, she almost blurted her name out, like she wasn’t in control of her own body. But the door had already closed. She darted through her office, opening the door and called her name again. Cosima was almost out of sight when she turned around at the sound of her name.  
"Yeah?“  
„Can you please come back, it’ll just be a minute?“, Delphine asked  
Cosima looked puzzled and walked back to the office hesitantly. It had been a bad idea to come here after all, she didn't want Delphine to be all 'I-miss-you' on her again. She didn't feel like having another sleepless night. Still, she reentered the office and closed the door behind her. "What's up?“, she asked avoiding eye contact.  
Delphine looked at her, she nervously bit her bottom lip, the way she did when she came back to Cosima’s old flat in Minnesota after their clumsy first kiss.  
"What I said yesterday at the lab…I really meant it. I miss you.“  
It felt like someone had just punched her in the stomach. Cosima's entire body tensed and there was some sort of stinging in her chest.  
"Delphine…I…I don’t….“, she stuttered.  
"t’s okay, I am not expecting an answer. I just want you to know.“  
"I know since yesterday.“  
"Still cheeky.“ Delphine smiled weakly and reached for Cosima’s hand but she quickly turned away.  
"I can’t do this. I mean, I thought I’d lost you and now you’re back telling me you miss me. I can’t pretend like nothing happened, when you broke my fucking heart, Delphine. I don’t even know why I’m here. We shouldn’t be doing this, everything about this is just so fucked up! And for what it’s worth, I kind of like Shay and I feel like a complete idiot standing here talking to you when I should clearly be talking to her, sorting things out!“, the more she talked the louder her voice got.  
All warmth vanished from Delphine’s expression and she took a few steps backwards, pretending to look for something on her desk. "Excuse me for taking up your time“, she said cooly.  
Without another word Cosima left the office, barely keeping her tears at bay. When she heard the door falling into the lock Delphine exhaled and buried her face in her hands. She hadn’t expected Cosima to react any different, she didn't even know why she had asked her to come back and yet the thought of her with that other woman was almost unbearable.


	2. Chapter 2

It was late, close to midnight. Scott had left the lab almost four hours ago but Cosima wanted to keep herself busy. It relaxed her to be around the things she loved and she didn’t feel like going back to the empty loft, since the lab was full of distractions. Shay had called several times but Cosima had ignored every single one of them. She felt horrible but she wasn’t in the mood for explaining herself and she also wasn’t sure what she had yelled at Delphine’s office was entirely true. Did she really like Shay that way or was she just a distraction? She certainly wasn't her girlfriend. She had a hard time focusing on anything and had spent the last two hours halfheartedly browsing an online clothing store. Her eyes wandered off the screen and onto to little couch in the corner of the lab. In an instant all the memories were back. Her laying in Delphine’s lap, playing with her hands and Delphine telling her that she loved her.  
The couch had to go! Simple as that. Cosima got up quickly and started moving the couch towards the door. When she was halfway across the room, the green light next to the door flickered and it opened. Of course, who else would it be.  
"What are you still doing here?“, Delphine asked in surprise.  
"I could ask you the same.“  
"I am looking for a file. Why are you moving the couch?“, she looked puzzled.  
"What file?“  
"HR files from DYAD, I thought I had forgotten them here.“  
"You weren’t in here today.“  
"I was yesterday, anyway what’s with the couch?“  
"Nothing. It needs to go.“  
"Why.“  
"I don’t want it here.“  
"But you picked it yourself.“  
"So? I don't like it anymore.“  
Delphine raised her eyebrows but didn’t reply. She went straight to Cosima’s desk. "May I?“, she asked.  
"Sure, go ahead. Good luck.“  
Cosima looked away and proceeded to move the couch, ignoring the eyebrows. Behind her, Delphine went through the mess on her desk. "You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to keep things a little tidied up once in a while.“  
"It didn’t bother you in the past“, Cosima replied. It had just slipped out of her mouth. She regretted it instantly.  
"I just didn’t tell you“, Delphine smirked.  
Cosima met her eyes and grinned back. What was happening here? She stopped forcing the couch towards the door and sat on it. "Why can’t we be like this anymore?", she sighed.  
Delphine abruptly stopped going trough the papers on Cosima’s desk and looked in her eyes. "Like what?“  
"Like this. You know, just talking like normal adults, no accusations, no jealousy, just like… friends?“  
"Who says we can’t be like that?“  
"Come on, you know it’s too complicated. With you, DYAD, me being sick and…Shay.“  
Delphine stepped away from the desk and towards the couch. She took a seat beside Cosima, keeping a polite distance between their bodies. For a while they just sat beside each other in silence. Delphine had her legs crossed, her hands resting in her lap and her body slightly tilted towards Cosima. Neither one of them knew what to say and the silence was about to become awkward.  
"Has our relationship ever been easy?“, Delphine finally said.  
"Yes. It actually has. When I met you in Minnesota, remember? When you were just a student, not some crazy corporate monitor. That’s when everything was perfect. I kinda liked this Delphine Beraud girl.“  
"What about when we worked here together, in this lab. What about the last time we spent on that couch?“  
"Delphine, don’t you get it? We work here because I am sick, because you are my monitor. Because you work for the company that claims ownership over me. We are not here by choice, we have to be. I have to be. If it weren’t for my sickness, I’d be long gone.“  
"So you’re saying all those memories… of us, they… they don’t really mean anything to you because they were forced?“  
"Of course they do. You know that. I just have a hard time focussing on anything since you're back," Cosima looked up and found Delphine's eyes. "When I saw you yesterday it felt like my head was spinning. I didn't expect you to come back."  
"I did not plan on coming back, but with Sarah gone I had no choice. And if I'm being completely honest I looked forward to seeing you again. I knew about Shay from the very beginning and I'm not mad. Your actions are understandable. I left you. I probably would have done the same."  
"You knew from the very beginning?"  
"I'm still your monitor after all. Even when I'm not around."  
"Wow, Dr Cormier, more like Dr Creepier. What did I have for breakfast this morning?," Cosima asked.  
"I'm not sure, but my guess would be coffee, as always."  
Cosima chuckled. "Actually, I had nothing. I rushed here after hearing about your little, well… let's say faux pas." She tried to imitate Delphine's accent on the last word and couldn't help but smirk.  
"Oh come on, drop it. Seriously, I admitted I made a mistake. How often do you want to bring this up?" Even though she was slightly annoyed by their conversation topic Delphine was unable to keep a straight face.  
"Honestly… I'll probably bring this up until the end of time. Sorry not sorry.", Cosima said and got up. "Anyway, I guess, I'll better get home, it's late."  
"What about the couch?" Delphine asked. She didn't want her to leave, not yet.  
"I'll take care of it tomorrow, or some other day. Whatever, it's just a couch." She smiled and put on her red coat. "See you tomorrow then, good night."  
"Are you going to her?" The question had been on her mind since she had entered that lab. She knew that it was none of her business but a part of her wanted to to know if they still had a chance. Delphine's mind went blank and she could feel her cheeks blushing. Cosima looked startled and nervously ran her hand trough her hair. "Excuse me?", she asked.  
"Shay…are you going to her place?", Delphine's voice was shaking now.  
"Why are you doing this? Delphine…."  
"Just say yes or no. Please."  
"Is this really important?"  
"Yes." She paused and Cosima could see that she was fighting her tears. Cosima sat back on the couch and their legs almost touched. "I'm sorry I…I just…I just need to know if…", Delphine stuttered.  
"If what!?"  
"If…", she couldn't finish her sentence, instead the sobs took over and she buried her face in her hands. Cosima closed the distance between them put her arm around Delphine and leaned her head against her shoulder. "I'm not going to see her", she said softly and took Delphine's hand.  
"I didn't mean to ask, I'm sorry. It…it just came out", Delphine didn't bother hiding her tears anymore.  
"It's okay.", Cosima said, circling the back of Delphine's hand with her thumb. She knew that pretty much everything about this situation was wrong but something drew her even closer to Delphine every time she tried to distance herself. Delphine reciprocated her touch and suddenly they found themselves holding hands, staring into each others eyes. And then she did it, the thing she always did before kissing Cosima, she bit her lower lip. Cosima knew instantly what was about to happen and when Delphine started leaning in, she gently squeezed her hand and shook her head. "Please, don't. Not now. I don't mean to hurt you", she quickly added as she noticed the disappointment in Delphine's eyes, "it's just, there are so many loose ends. If we decide to try this again, whatever it is, I want it to be right. And I can't be with you now, not with the way things are. You…This…it's so important to me but if we're doing this again I want us to have a chance."


	3. Chapter 3

Delphine could barely concentrate on the road as she was driving home from DYAD. Scraps of the conversation between Cosima and her kept running though her mind. After all they still had a chance, at least Cosima had said so. She felt relieved because she finally had certainty that she hadn't lost her. But at the same time she didn't dare to think about their future. Her eyes wandered onto the passenger seat and her bad conscience hit her again. The green file stuck out from her handbag, accusing her. She had lied to Cosima again. She never told Shay to be careful. She had, in fact, interrogated her because her behavior was more than suspicious. Delphine's aversion for her came naturally but after she found out that Shay was in the military it turned into pure loathing. She was a potential threat and she highly suspected her of working for Castor. It would have been too much coincidence for Cosima to meet a secretive ex-military girl on a dating app and immediately hit it off with her. She hadn't told Cosima that she had threatened Shay with physical violence if she would't cooperate. She hadn't told her about promising Shay that she would kill her if she harmed Cosima. She knew sooner or later Cosima would find out, like she always did with all of her secrets. For now Shay stood under the surveillance of two of DYAD's security agents and until she had proper evidence that Shay was a mole for Castor it would stay this way. However, it was only a matter of time before Shay and Cosima would meet again and she doubted that she would keep quiet about their little meet-up. But it was too soon to give the file to Cosima, the evidence was too sparse and too confidential. She didn't want anybody else knowing, not yet. If Castor was planning on infiltrating Leda she wanted them to believe everyone to be oblivious, in order to strike against them even harder. But in doing so she risked her relationship with Cosima, again.

Her apartment overlooking lake Ontario almost looked like no one lived in it. Only the shoe rack and the hall stand gave evidence that there was someone living here. Her house keeper had put new flowers on the dining room table which gave the place a little domesticity. She couldn't remember when she had used the kitchen for the last time or when she relaxed on her couch with a book or a TV show. She put her handbag on the dresser and went straight to the bathroom. It felt like she lived in a hotel. Everything was in order and almost clinically clean. She wondered what the place would look like if Cosima lived here with her. She imagined her clothes hanging over chairs and scattered books on the tables. She smiled as the warm water ran over her body. It would certainly be more colorful. 

"Im coming. Just a minute."  
Cosima ran through the loft in her dressing gown, adjusting her glasses and putting her dreads up in a bun. The loud banging on the loft's door had woken her up. She wondered if she'd ever have a day where she could just sleep in and start her day whenever she wanted. Felix had apparently spent the night at Alison's because his bed was still untouched. Cosima removed the screwdriver and opened the door.  
"Oh… Hey. What's up?"  
"May I come in?", Shay asked.  
"Uhm. Yeah, sure", Cosima slid the door open. This couldn't be good. Shay had never visited the loft uninvited. Cosima nervously fumbled with the sleeve of her dressing gown, avoiding Shay's eyes that seemed to pierce her.   
"Do you have any idea why I'm here?", she asked.  
"Not really… I mean if it's about the calls, I'm sorry man, but work has just been crazy lately. I'm really sorry."  
"I'm not here because of that. I knew what was going on the moment I knew Delphine was back. But she came to my apartment yesterday. Do you happen to know anything about that?"  
"Just briefly. I didn't get a chance to talk to her about it", Cosima lied.  
"Just briefly? Cosima, do you think I'm stupid? Listen, I don't know what it is you're doing or who you're working for but this has to stop!"  
"What do you mean. What happened?"  
"What happened is that your crazy ex showed up on my doorstep with to gorillas on her side, asking me if I'm some sort of mole for a Castor company. She threatened to fucking kill me!"  
Cosima couldn't answer. This was certainly not what Delphine had told her yesterday. She swallowed and shook her head.  
"I had no idea. I'm so sorry that you were involved in this. I'm really sorry, Shay. I'm going to talk to her about it. This won't happen again, I promise."  
"I don't care if you talk to her, I just want this to stop. I don't feel safe in my own house anymore, it's creeping me out."  
"I totally get that. I don't know why she would do such a thing. I mean you're a massage therapist, a normal girl, how could you possibly…", Cosima stopped mid-sentence, she was about to give away too much .  
"How could I possibly what?", Shay asked.  
"Nothing. It's just, what I work with… that's certified science and as much as I want, I can't tell you."  
"I'm not even sure I really wanna know. I feel like I don't know you at all."  
Cosima didn't respond. She didn't understand why Delphine suspected her to be a mole for Castor. It made no sense and why hadn't she told her about it yesterday? She understood that she was probably still jealous but she certainly wasn't the person who threatened to kill someone over jealousy.  
"Cosima?" Shay's voice brought her back to reality.  
"Yeah?"  
"What does all of this mean for us?"  
Cosima hesitated. She didn't know what to say. There were so many unanswered questions. She looked directly into Shay's eyes. "I don't know."  
"Okay. I get it. Was was so stupid. How could I think for a second that you'd pick me over her", she snorted.   
"No no no, it's not that. It's just…"  
"You don't have to justify anything. I don't even know if you're telling the truth", she interrupted Cosima.  
"Shay. Please."  
"Goodbye, Cosima", she unlocked the door and threw the screwdriver to the ground. It clattered metallically and Shay's footsteps died down in the hallway. Cosima sighed and went to the kitchen to at least have a cup of coffee before heading to work.  
"My, my, my. What happened here?" Felix' voice made her jump because she had not expected another visitor.   
"Hey man. Nothing, really."  
"Tell me, who was it? The hot one or the French one?"  
"How dare you", Cosima smirked, "anyway, what have you been up to?"  
"Well, this election thing, it won't win itself. Alison is pretty determined, she asked me to get some stuff to make posters, can you believe it? I won't be here long", he answered and went through his art supplies.   
"Any news from Sarah?"  
"Not yet. S hasn't texted me in a while, all I know is that they're all over the place with Castor. I'll let you know as soon as I have something. I just have to keep my head busy or else I'll go crazy."  
"Yeah, me too."  
Felix grinned mischievously. "You keep me updated too, right? I'll be out again and good luck with", he looked towards the screwdriver," whatever this is." He winked and was gone. Cosima finished her coffee and gathered her stuff. She didn't feel like having another conflict with Delphine, not after what happened last night. But after Shay's visit it seemed to be inevitable. 

When she arrived at DYAD she decided to avoid the confrontation for a little longer and went straight to the lab. When she arrived she found it empty, the couch was where they had left it last night and Cosima couldn't help but smile as she threw her coat and handbag on it. Her computer had just booted as Scott came in. He grinned, said his familiar "Hi" and went to his desk, not commenting on the couch.  
"Any news?", Cosima asked.  
"Not really. I looked at the book again last night but I just can't find a pattern in the code. I mean, it's just a suggestion but… I mean… I really think Delphine should know about this. I'm just saying."  
Cosima sighed. "Scott, we talked about this. We're not telling her. Not yet. I'm not sure if we can trust her again. I don't want Topside in on this"  
"Cosima, I really don't wanna cross a line here…", he started.  
"Then don't." Cosima cut him off. "When the time is right, we'll tell her."  
"Whatever you say, boss. I'm just saying I would tell her."  
"And I appreciate your opinion", Cosima responded.  
Scott looked back on his computer screen and started typing. They were working in silence when suddenly the ringtone of Cosima's phone announced a new text message.  
'I need you to come to my office. -D'  
'Sorry. I'm busy here.You could come here though.'   
Cosima didn't feel like being alone with her again. The Shay-Situation was still heavy on her mind and she hadn't yet figured out how to initiate that conversation. With Scott being around Delphine wouldn't address anything that wasn't business related. It didn't take five minutes until the lab door opened and Delphine entered. Cosima shrugged and pretended to look though some papers on her desk, while typing something in an empty document.   
"Hey", Cosima looked up from behind her monitor. "What's up?"  
"Hello", she hesitated for a moment and Cosima could instantly tell from her countenance that she wanted to speak to her privately", I just came by to tell you that I need a urine sample. We need to check on your condition."  
"I'm fine."  
"Cosima. I'm not saying you're not fine. We just need the up-to-date data for a possible gene therapy."  
"Okay", she paused. "I have one condition though."  
"What is it?"  
"Whatever the results are, we're not harvesting Kira again."  
Delphine hesitated and dropped her gaze. Eventually, she nodded. "Sure."  
"I'll bring it during the afternoon."  
"Great, thank you." She smiled weakly and left. It was astounding that as soon as someone else was around, the Delphine that Cosima knew and loved seemed to transform into the callous Dr Cormier. She was barely out of the lab when Scott exclaimed, "There's no way I'd trust her on that one."  
"See what I mean", Cosima said dryly. It saddened her to talk about Delphine that way. From the moment she had met her, she wanted to trust her so badly but she couldn't block out all the set-backs. But she would not let Delphine get near Kira again and she could count on Sarah's back up on that one. She hat yet to figure out a way to speak to her about Shay but she felt exhausted and she certainly wasn't up for another conflict. 

Cosima nervously bit on her lower lip. She was hesitant to turn the corner towards Delphine's office. It would be way easier to drop her sample off at one of her assistants. There was absolutely no need for them to speak again. Let alone just the two of them in one room. Cosima had a brief idea of what was about to happen should she enter that office. Yesterday had demanded all of her self-control and she wasn't sure if she had that strength today. Leaning against the cold wall she exhaled, promising herself not to be tempted. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and walked towards the office.   
Delphine was sitting at her desk, when she saw Cosima her face lit up and she sat upright looking into her eyes.  
"Hey. I have the sample you wanted", Cosima reached into the pocket of her lab coat.  
"Thank you", Delphine smiled.  
"Before I hand it over, how can I trust you to leave Kira out of this?"  
"Cosima, it's your body and you make the decisions. Kira is safe, I promise."  
She didn't answer and put the white plastic cup in a small container on her desk. "There is something else." She eyed Delphine over the frame of her glasses, "Do you know what I mean?"  
"If you're talking about Shay, I can explain it."  
"I'm all ears."  
Delphine closed her eyes, stood up from her chair and slowly walked around her desk. "We have reason to believe she's a mole for Castor and I can't have you being… intimate with someone like that. We don't know what she knows about you and the safety of Project Leda is our top priority."  
"Delphine with all due respect but, are you insane? In what universe would a girl I met on a stupid dating app be a spy for Castor? Are you listening to yourself? Shay is a massage therapist that is all."  
"I have to disappoint you, she's a little more than that."  
"What do you mean?"  
Delphine didn't respond but gave Cosima a green file from her handbag. Cosima took it and flipped through it. Her jaw dropped and she looked up from the papers. "Is that true?"  
"I'm afraid it is. We don't have proof, yet. But we're observing her closely and as long as she's not safe, and I'm speaking solely as your monitor here, I would like you to stay away from her."  
"Wow, I feel like my life has become some sort of crazy movie", Cosima scoffed. "But let me just ask you one more thing. You say you don't have actual proof that Shay is the mole…".  
"We're almost certain", Delphine interrupted her.  
"… but you threatened to kill her yourself, just in case?"   
"Cosima, you don't understand."  
"Oh I think I understand perfectly."  
"No, you don't! Do you know how shocked I was when I found out about her military career, knowing that you were with her, alone. Cosima I feared for you life!"  
"That doesn't justify you killing someone over an assumption!"  
"I was just intimidating her, it was never my intention to kill her. I just had to get her away from you."   
Cosima turned away from her, holding her hands in front of her face. Anger rose in her chest. "You know what Delphine, I've had it! I've had it with all of this shit. I'm not your stupid research object anymore. No more data samples, no more monitoring. I'm out!" With the last words the tears broke their way through Cosima's body and she buried her face in her hands once more.  
"Hey…hey", Delphine said softly and pulled Cosima into an intimate hug. "Shhh. It's all right. We'll find a way", she said and held her close. Cosima didn't fight the closeness, she wanted to but she couldn't. For a moment she was able to be weak in Delphine's arms. She enjoyed the familiarity of their touch and for the first time in weeks she noticed Delphine's scent. For a second, it seemed like the past couple of months had never happened, like she was still in her flat in Minnesota with the French girl who had never heard of Eskimo Pies before.   
Delphine felt Cosima's body under the fabric of her clothes and even though her mind told her to stop making herself vulnerable she held even closer. She hesitated for a moment but then she placed a shy kiss on the top of Cosima's head. Cosima's body shifted in response and all of a sudden Delphine felt her lips on her neck. Her body stiffened in shock. Cosima noticed and stopped kissing her neck. "I'm sorry", she allowed a little distance between their bodies and wiped a tear from her cheek, "I don't know what got in…", but before she could finish the sentence she found Delphine's lips on hers, kissing her eagerly. She held Cosima's face in her hands, tracing her jawline with her fingers. Cosima had her hands on her waist, holding her close. Her left hand moved up Delphine's back, tracing her shoulder, moving its way along the side of her neck eventually holding the right side of her head, deepening the kiss. It was Cosima who gently pulled away. Their foreheads were still touching when she whispered, "Wow. I missed this."  
"Me too", Delphine did not dare to open her eyes, she wanted this moment to last just a little longer. She leaned back in, demanding another kiss.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has two small time leaps, I've marked them with (X) and I've excluded scenes from the original episode which are necessary to the plot. However, everything should still make sense.

She had known what would happen when she agreed to come to her place for a glass of wine. They had both known when they got into Delphine's car, leaving Cosima's Volkswagen in the parking garage. It had always been a matter of time from the day Delphine had come back.  
Did they regret it?  
Certainly not, and when they arrived at her place the bottle of wine had never been opened. 

Cosima never slept well in other beds. It was early in the morning the sun was just about to rise and the unfamiliar apartment was in semi-darkness. When she looked to the other side of the bed she found it empty but there was still a dent where her body had been. The memories of last night came back to Cosima's mind and she grinned as he reached for her shirt.  
She got dressed and stepped out of the bedroom. She spotted Delphine on the small balcony, smoking a cigarette and leaning on the rail. Her hair was up in a bun and she was wearing a way too large hoodie. There was no trace of Dr Cormier, right now she was just Delphine. She noticed Cosima walking towards her from the corner of her eye and turned around, smiling. Cosima didn't say anything but opened the balcony door and stood next to her. They were looking into the distance and the lake was quiet but despite the early hour the distant hum of the traffic was already audible.  
"So is this the place where you bring your all of your rendezvous or do you actually live here?," Cosima asked.  
"What do you mean?"  
"This place looks like it's out of an interior design catalogue."  
"Oh I see what you mean. No, it's just that I spent most of my time at work and my housekeeper is very good."  
"I can't believe I've never been here, though."  
"The loft is much nicer than this", she answered. "This doesn't feel like home."  
Cosima nodded, "Yeah, it's kinda…too clean, you know what I mean."  
Delphine laughed and shyly reached out for Cosima's hand. Cosima allowed the touch and let her pull her into a tight hug. She felt her body against hers and exhaled. "Delphine?," the worry in her voice was unmistakeable.  
"Just five more minutes", Delphine breathed in her ear. She traced Cosima's jawline with her fingers and looked into her eyes.  
"You look sad", Cosima said softly.  
Delphine didn't answer but brushed her nose up against Cosima's, silently asking for permission to kiss her. 

It felt surreal as they sat in Delphine's car, rushing down the highway towards the city. They would have given everything to go back to the apartment. Delphine parked outside in front of DYAD checking her make-up in the rearview mirror.  
"You can go ahead, I'm having another cigarette. I'll see you later." She briefly touched Cosima's hand before looking for her lighter.  
"See you", Cosima said. She was glad to have a little time to herself after everything that happened. She had been contemplating to tell her about the book all morning. Delphine would be furious, no doubt but there would never be a right time to tell her. As soon as she was out of sight she began running to the lab but after a few seconds her disease reminded her that running wasn't really an option for her. She stopped and coughed heavily checking for any signs of blood. Luckily her hands remained clean.  
"You're a little late", Scott said as she entered the lab.  
"I know. I've been out last night. Listen, about the book…"  
"Don't tell me you've changed your mind?"  
"I'm not sure. I talked to Delphine yesterday and she's suspecting Castor is infiltrating us with some sort of mole."  
"You talked to Delphine?", he air-quoted her name.  
"Scott, I'm not joking. She has actual proof!"  
"Are you serious?"  
"Yeah I totally am. Look, we've made a copy anyway and Rachel even translated a small part. I think we should tell her about it. This is kind of getting too big for us. I don't want us to be in danger. At least not more than we already are."  
"I agree, but I don't get it. Yesterday you cut me off just for saying my opinion and today you want to tell her everything. I mean, I'm just saying it doesn't really add up to me."  
Cosima sighed. "I have no idea what to do, honestly. But I didn't know about the mole yesterday and it's freaking me out. Plus, Sarah is probably coming back from London any day now. How are we to explain that to Delphine?"  
"Explain what to me?"  
"Shit," Cosima whispered looking at Scott wide-eyed. She turned towards the door. "Hey", she smiled her friendliest smile," I didn't except you to come here."  
"Cosima cut it out. What were you talking about?"  
Cosima didn't answer but scratched the back of her neck looking sheepishly.  
"Scott! Tell me!", Delphine snapped.  
"Uh… well. There is this thing… that we kept between us because… uhh…", he started.  
"What thing?!" Scott almost jumped from the sound of her voice.  
"Delphine, stop. It's not his fault. It's mine. Just give me a second." Cosima went to her desk and unlocked the top drawer. "There is this book. It's from Duncan and it's basically a code." She handed the book over.  
"A code for what?"  
"I think you can see for yourself."  
Delphine turned the pages quickly, her eyes widening in shock. After what seemed like a small eternity she closed the book and looked at Cosima, her expression stone cold.  
"You've kept this from me? This? And you hid it in your lab? And you go to her place with the lab key in your bag. Cosima are you kidding me?", her voice was quiet. Too quiet. "I should have you fired for this, both of you!"  
"I'm sor—," Cosima started.  
"I don't care! I don't know what to say. All this time I've told you that you can trust me. How could you?", her voice was slightly shaking but it only took her a second to turn back into the hardened scientist. "I want all the copies, both digitally and physically, in my office as fast as you can. Has anyone attempted to translate this?"  
"Yes." Cosima avoided her gaze.  
"Who?", Delphine's mind ran at full speed. "Of course, Rachel. How far did she get? Never mind, I'll talk to her right now", she rushed towards the door. Before leaving she looked back at Cosima. "The copies, NOW!"

(X)

Delphine's heart was racing. She felt his blood on her face and a cold shiver ran all over her body. She still had the gun in her outstretched arm, panting. Nealon's body was lying on the floor of the ravaged office. Hurriedly she gathered all of her things and tried to obliterate her tracks as thorough as possible. She decided to keep the gun in the inside pocket of her jacket, just in case. Without leaving any new fingerprints at the door she rushed to the next washroom, where she proceeded to clean the blood off of her face. The cold water was relieving and for the first time she took a few deep breaths that quickly turned into sobs. She had just killed someone. Her whole life was crashing before her eyes and she didn't know how much time she had left before they would come for her. But whatever happened, she had to see Cosima for one last time.  
Looking like nothing had happened she stepped out of the washroom, heading straight for her car when suddenly her phone rang. The number was blocked. She hesitated put decided to pick up.  
"Hello?"  
"Hey, it's me Sarah. Delphine, we kind of have a situation here."  
Within a few minutes Sarah told her everything. Delphine was amazed at how much Cosima had kept from her. She explained everything she had found out about the Neolutionists and Rachel and urged Sarah to keep the original safe.  
"Sarah, I'm sorry I have to go. I have a bit of a situation myself. I'll be in touch." She knew she wouldn't be, at least for a while. Nervously, she fumbled with her handbag and brought her cigarettes to light. Her fingers were trembling but she calmed down a bit as soon as the nicotine hit her system. Her eyes wandered around before she opened the door of her car but there was nothing suspicious in sight and on the way back to her apartment no conspicuous cars had followed her. The elevator doors opened and she almost expected someone to dive through the closing doors to grab her but nothing happened. Her breath quickened and she reached for the gun in her pocket. What if they were waiting in her apartment? The monotonous voice announced the 35th floor and the doors slid apart. The hallway was deserted. She went to 14G and unlocked the door holding her weapon at gunpoint. Slowly, she entered and closed the door behind her not looking back. She scanned the wide living room, looking for any signs of an intruder. It was just how she had left it in the morning. She could still see Cosima's coffee cup on the kitchen counter and she remembered how, just five six ago she had been happy. Not allowing any more distractions she went to the bathroom but also found it empty. This left the bedroom. She was gasping as she made her way down the small hallway. She opened the door quickly, preparing to face her opponent but like the rest of her apartment it was empty. Breathing heavily she broke down on the carpet, sobs shaking through her body.  
"Calmes-toi", she said to herself several times before getting up and packing her suitcase with the bare necessities and all evidence regarding project Leda. She rinsed Cosima's coffee cup with boiling water and put the bed sheets in the hot wash program to destroy all DNA traces. When she stripped the bed she smelled a whiff of Cosima's scent and felt bad for yelling at her in the lab. Delphine wished she had know about the Neolutionists sooner, they would have been spared from the whole Shay-situation and maybe Cosima would have opened up to her sooner. It didn't take her long to finish packing. The sun was already going down as she left the apartment. She had swapped the mini gun for a 9mm semi-automatic, even though she intended not to use it. Sometimes working for a top-secret science project had its perks. Now there was only one thing left to do. Slowly she pulled a black DYAD business card and a yellow marker out of her purse.

(X)

Cosima stood in the elevator clutching the copies of Duncan's code. She felt nauseous, almost afraid to face Delphine again.  
"That's for coming with me, man", she looked at Scott who was biting his fingernails.  
He chuckled nervously in response. When the doors opened he walked slightly behind Cosima.  
Instead of Delphine they only found one of her assistants in the office.  
"Sorry, I'm looking for Dr Cormier."  
"Ms Niehaus, right?", the woman replied.  
Cosima nodded.  
"I'm sorry but Dr Cormier indisposed. Do you wish to leave a message?"  
"Do you know where she is?"  
"I'm sorry, I'm not authorized to talk about that."  
"O-kay, Cosima said in disbelief," thanks anyway."  
She and Scott headed back for the lab, Cosima clutching the copies a little harder to her chest.  
"Something is off. She would have told me where she is, she really wanted those copies."  
"Are you sure", Scott asked," even after that speech earlier today?"  
"I'm sure. Can you take those and keep them safe. I have to leave early today," she said looking down at her phone at the incoming call from Sarah.

After her third call to Delphine was left unanswered Cosima started worrying. She got out of her car and walked towards the rundown warehouse.  
'Where are you. Just say something. I'm worried', she texted. She hesitated for a second and added, 'We're at Bubbles tonight, I know that you're mad at me but we could talk there, with everyone.'  
It wasn't until Cosima sat at the table with her family when her phone buzzed.  
'I'm outside.'  
She excused herself and stepped out into the cold.  
"Hey, I thought you wouldn't come."  
Delphine just smiled in response.  
"Do you want to come inside?"  
"I don't have much time. I just came here to tell you that I'm not mad at you. I understand why you did what you did. I don't want to fight anymore. I'm on your side, I always was from the moment I first met you."  
"Why does this feel like another goodbye?"  
"It's not," Delphine lied," I'm not going anywhere." She embraced Cosima clenching her jaw to keep the tears at bay. She was glad Cosima could't see her face. The scene from their breakup in the loft kept playing in her head and the situation began to feel like a déjà vu. Telling Cosima the truth was impossible. She could't say goodbye again, she had just gotten her back. Cosima softly pulled away and look into her eyes. She didn't speak but softly pressed her lips against Delphine's. They both knew it was a goodbye. She returned the kiss and felt the desperation in Cosima's touch. Cosima knew she was lying, just like she had know the truth back in Minnesota. Her way of refusing to believe it was to pretend nothing had happened. Neither of them wanted the kiss to end. It was Delphine who gently pulled away.  
"Give your sisters all my love."  
Cosima nodded. "I'll call you", she said with a shaky voice.  
"Yes," Delphine answered turning away. She walked towards her car crying silently. She didn't look back as she hit the accelerator finally allowing the sobs to break through. 

She drove north, passing through scattered settlements but mostly trees framed the sides of the dead straight road. Daylight was breaking as she reached the remote airfield near one of the great lakes. It belonged to a friend and former colleague of hers who still owed her a favor. Dark circles had formed under her eyes. She took her suitcase out of the trunk and lit a cigarette. Reluctantly, she pulled out her phone and removed the SIM card, tossing the phone in the wilderness. He was already waiting by the hangar.  
"Right on time, as always," he said.  
She didn't bother to answer. Instead she gave im a cold smile.  
"Any changes in the plan?," he asked  
"No. Everything stays as we previously arranged."  
"All right, all aboard then."  
The small plane took off as sun was rising in the east. Delphine let her eyes wander over the landscape wondering if Cosima had already tried to contact her. In a few hours all evidence pointing towards the existence of a Delphine Cormier would cease to exist.

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my native language, sorry for any inconveniences that this may cause.   
> Thank you to everyone who has left any kind of feedback on this story.


End file.
